Written by Boone Adams

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Topics: Death, Teens

Wednesday, 30 June 2004

A man in Columbus Ohio was stopped by two teens this morning and was beaten to death. It seems the victim was leaving a twenty four hour bubble blowing contest on the city's east side when the two youths jumped out of a stolen 1963 Ethelbaker and proceeded to beat the man with his own saliva.

A high-ranking police official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, stated that there has been a rash of saliva and mucous related crimes in the area as of late.

The identity of the victim was not released at the time of this story. The county coroner's office says it could be days before they can reconstruct his features well enough to positively identify the man.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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