Wellington, NZ - New Zealanders are celebrating after the announcement yesterday that they have been accepted into the European Union. New Zealand is the actual furtherest from Europe that a country can possibly be, but officials overlooked this small technicality after NZ scored high on all other requirements.
The requirements to become an EU member include, but are not limited to, the following:-
- at least one person in the country has to have been born in a European state
- at least three people must be employed
- at least a handful of people must speak English or another European language
- all MPs must be corrupt
- must like football, or "soccer", as it is called in Australia & New Zealand (and the US)
- must pretend to like, or at least tolerate, middle eastern religions
- be open to the odd terrorist attack (NZ scored low on this requirement, because of their almost non existent past record, but convinced officials they knew of a barbaric foreign or local religion planning a terrorist attack "any day now".)
- must have at least 3 borders on the European continent (this is the part that NZ failed, but this was overlooked because of the country scoring so high on other reqs)
Shockingly, Australia also tried to enter the EU but was refused membership because of its history of having absolutely perfect weather, which no other country in the Eurozone has. Even Spain can get quite chilly in winter. Australia protested the decision saying that the state of Tasmania was a "cold, windy hell hole" but no-one believed them.
Australia has told New Zealand it no longer wants to be friends and is to launch a new tourism campaign "Go home Kiwis, you betrayed us". It is appealing the EU's decision at the European High Commission and intends to seek compensation for "weatherism".
New Zealand will join the EU on 1st January 2010 and will change its currency to the Euro soon after.
I know I speak for all of the 500 million people in Europe when I say welcome New Zealand!