Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: swine flu, CDC

Thursday, 30 April 2009

image for Swine Flu (H1N1): Man dies after taking counterfeit "Tamiflew" knockoff
CDC warns addition side effects of taking "Tamiflew" may include laying eggs

Los Angeles, California - With all the supply of Tamiflu being horded by the swine flu panic buying or kept on the shelf and out of the medicine cabinet due to price gauging, some people in desperation have turned to cheep medical counterfeit knockoffs like "Tamiflew" to help them through this public health crisis.

"I begged him not to buy it. He didn't need it. He wasn't even sick. But he didn't listen to me," said a teary eyed Marie Johnson, about her deceased husband, Frank Johnson, whom public healthcare providers suspect is the latest victim of the swine flu.

According to Mrs. Johnson's statement to the police, shortly after her husband ingested the "Tamiflew" he started behaving like a big chicken, clucking and scratching at the floor, before climbing up to the second story roof and jumping off thinking he could fly.

"He was delusional," said Mrs. Johnson, wiping away her tears. "Everybody knows chickens can't fly."

So far health care providers have confirmed that Mr. Johnson purchased his supply of the counterfeit "Tamiflew" from the trunk of a car at the side of a freeway off ramp along with pound of shrimp and 10-pound bag of oranges.

"He got a deal on the oranges, but he really got screwed on the on flu medicine," said the healthcare inspector from the CDC investigating the case as a possible swine flu case. "I don't know about the shrimp, though. But I think he was overcharged. You people in California just don't know how lucky you are to have access to fresh fruit. My God, it's practically delivered to you at your front door. No wonder you guys are so healthy looking out here."

"I feel so guilty," said Mrs. Johnson, while pealing shrimp, preparing them for dinner. "I was the one who told him to buy the oranges. If only I wouldn't have told him to stop, he'd be alive right now, sitting down to have some shrimp with me here today."

Later, Mrs. Johnson was admitted to the local hospital for food poisoning.

"Huh, I guess I should have taken the shrimp into custody, too," said the investigating CDC inspector. "Hey, anybody want an orange? I got a great deal on them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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