DATELINE:WASHINGTON - Homeland Insecurity Chief, Janet Napolitiano, was all smiles when she spoke to reporters outside the White House on Tuesday afternoon. Ms. Napolitiano was there to give a briefing on the latest news about swine flu. The horrific disease seems to be sweeping the globe, and the Homeland Insecurity Chief wanted to put a positive spin on it.
"My fellow Americans, please don't worry. We have everything under control." she smiled into the cameras. "First, we want to change the name. Swine flu sounds so dirty and depressing. Call it Sunflower Syndrome! That's right!" she chirped.
Ms. Napolitiano gave her reasoning a few minutes later to stunned and speechless reporters.
"We want people to relax. Surveys show sunflowers are very popular and make people mellow. Since there is no antidote--and you'll probably die horribly--a positive attitude is your only hope!" she giggled hysterically.
"Let's be positive! A million people pass away every single day. What's 40 or 50 million more?" she added.