The WHO (not to be mixed up with that 70s band) have announced, that after an extensive 10 year study surveying 1,000 people worldwide (0.00000006 of the total population of earth), H20 has a direct link to Alzheimer Disease.
"Out of the 1,000 people we studied, a startling 200 of them developed Alzheimer's Disease. We don't think it has anything to do with the fact that those particular 200 people were born in Chernobyl, the site of the nuclear power disaster in Ukraine. When examining the patients' diagnosis and graphs, we discovered that one thing all these people had in common was that they all drank water every day of their life" said Dr Who. "We are now calling for a world wide ban on the sale of water and will shortly be spiking all public water resources with strawberry flavouring to stop people drinking out of taps and water fountains. We know that everybody hates strawberry flavouring."
Prime Minister Gordon Brown has expressed his concern at the low intelligence of some of the people employed by WHO. "Dr Who can just get back in his tardis and sod off - first they tell us smoking causes lung cancer, then asbestos can cause cancer - what's frigin next? Radiation can cause birth defects?"
Dr Who declined to comment further, but did mention that he had received a call from former President Bush who was "terrified and completely frightened" by the WHO's newest claims. He has vowed to never drink another drop of water again.
Gordon Brown is 56.