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Sunday, 26 April 2009

image for Oregon talent hunters claim to have captured "bigfoot": Susan Boyle wins despite Cowell's disbelief.
"No such such thing as Susan Boyle", says Bigfoot.

Oregon talent hunters claim to have captured "bigfoot": Huntsman, Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan claimed the female specimen "cried me a river", when we caught her".

After a string of initially disparaging remarks, "Susan" as Piers Moron named the specimen, went on to charm the nation with her amazing vocal talents and calls, despite her hirsute and ferocious appearance.

"She's left some huge tracks to follow", It will take something to fill her boots" says Cowell.

Despite initial reservations, many members of the scientific community are beginning to come to terms with what some experts call "Talent Syndrome", or T.S. This hypothesis states that talent and ability are not neccessarily linked to physical appearance. Professor Tug Buttman of Halfass University expressed what many in the scientific community already suspect.

"You can be exceptionally talented and capable but passed over because you may have had a knock or two with the ugly stick and possess a passing resemblance to a mythical beast. Further, you are much more likely to succeed if you have a great face, butt, and rack."

In praise to the huntsman Cowell and Moron, they just about managed to recognise Susan Boyle's talent as she jumped up out of the sound booth and bit their asses. Some members of the scientific community remain sceptical.

Professor Ray Winston of phuckham university claimed: "The chances of a hirsute, middle aged woman winning this vacuous pile of TV crap are absurd. I have studied many sightings and items of evidence and still believe Susan Boyle to be a hoax. A large, singing primate with such amazing vocal talent could not go undetected in the world for more than four decades".

Professor Winston later claimed that Bigfoot was probably a Cheryl Tweedy in a fur fabric costume. "I do however concede that the calls and vocal expressions are too sophisticated for a pop tart".

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