Written by PP Rega
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Saturday, 25 April 2009

image for Baby Mammoth's Prehistoric Fart Kills Three, Injures Fifteen
It's not really a mammoth, but it's the best we can do.

In Cleveland, Ohio, three researchers were killed and 15 more were overcome by toxic fumes as prehistoric putrefaction escaped from the antediluvian ass of a baby mammoth carcass.

The world-renowned scientists had gathered at Case Western's Harrison Ford Institute of Archaeology and Artifacts in order to examine the recently discovered, well-preserved carcass of a baby mammoth that roamed the earth with Mummy and Daddy over 10,000 years ago.

The baby mammoth carcass, nicknamed Lindsay Lohan, was discovered in Tsk-tsk, Siberia three weeks ago when Nobel laureate, Al Gore tripped over it while he was taking ice samples from a newly-formed glacier.

It was while the team of archaeologists was poking and prodding the poor, precocious pachyderm that the incident occurred. According to witnesses, famed paleotological proctologist, Professor Dino Buttacrakka, was taking samples of Baby Lindsay's hemorrhoidal tissue when he lifted her tail and repositioned her gluteus maximus. The sudden movement allowed the escape of one enormous 10,000-year-old fart from the baby's distal G.I. tract. The room, according to survivors, immediately filled with a noxious green-blue cloud that carried the three-week-old stench of 1,000 dolphins stranded on a sand-bar.

Professor Buttacrakka was killed immediately as were his two assistants, 'Famous' Anus and Doctor R. Ectum. The others, in various stages of unconsciousness, were rescued by a local HAZMAT team and transported to Cleveland Clinic. Their medical conditions are not immediately known, but this reporter has learned that the medical teams caring for these intrepid scientists are wearing clothespins on their noses.

Meanwhile, little Lindsay Lohan has been sold to Burger King. Reasons for the surreptitious purchase have not been disclosed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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