Toronto - Officials have announced that, after extensive pressure from the public, Canada is to introduce Shania Law. The new law, named after Canadian country singer Shania Twain, will be introduced on July 1 this year.
"Some citizens were really pushing for it" said the Lord Mayor of Toronto, Dwain Yebrain, who is legally deaf, with just 15% of his hearing. "They were saying that where they are from stuff like stealing is punishable by cutting off your hand, and they stone people to death for infidelity. And women have to cover up at all times. I thought this law sounded pretty good:- I'm not keen on criminals, immoral behaviour or women flashing their bits, so I asked them what this law was called and they said Shania. So I called up Shania Twain and asked her what she thought about having a law named after her. She said it was very exciting and gave me her blessing. I asked her to fax me through an official list of the new rules as soon as she could."
"We received the faxed list just last week - and I was pretty impressed. For example: all women must wear Cover Girl cosmetics and no other brand. Shania was once a model for Cover Girl and she's a loyal girl - so that makes sense and ties into that 'women covering up' law I heard about.….Both women AND men are to have their fingernails cut off if caught with brittle or dirty nails - see, very practical and very much like that hand law. …… She has also instructed that marijuana be legalised - that must be the stoning law everyone was talking about. I mean these are all really great ideas. I wish I'd heard about this Shania Law a long time ago."
Shania Twain released her official statement on the decision: "Don't get me wrong, yeah I think it's alright, but that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night. That don't impress me much."