Paris, France - Nicolas Sarkozy, the President of France, made a speech in which he declared that his government surrenders unconditionally to Somali pirates.
"You may take our women. My wife, for example. You may definitely take her. Our baguettes. Our silly hats...what are they called? Berets? Yes, those. Take them. And the Eiffel Tower. It's yours."
The world was stunned. Stunned that this hadn't happened sooner. Vladimir Putin described the move as 'pure cowardice,' while Gordon Brown went on to say it was 'typical French behavior.'
Mokele M'bembe, a Somali pirate, was confused by the news, saying, "We just want money. We do not require women with hairy armpits, silly hats, or hard bread."
The Somali Pirate Party, the new leaders of France, have stated that the hijackings of cargo ships must continue, as they now have to find a way to pay France's skyrocketing national debt.
After his speech, Sarkozy was unavailable for comment as he was preoccupied giving a cigarette to a baby.