Silvio Berlusconi, "The Permatanned man" that scared the Queen, today announced that he was thinking of declaring war on Switzerland as rumours spread that they had something to do with causing the Earthquake in the town of L'Aquila last week.
"That gang of Trisexual chocolate pushers are always bloody tunnelling around in the fucking mountains" shouted Silvo so loudly that his hair extensions waved in the breeze!
"I'm a furious with my Northerly neighbours, I tell ya watta I'm a gonna do, I'm a gonna go up there and stick my salami where the sun don't shine" hissed the Italian leader.
Berlusconi left for an urgent fitting at his tailors but added the following threat: "If I find out that the Swiss ruined my lovely crumbling town then I'll kill the entire bunch of bastards! I'll be coming to get you, I hadda nuff of your funny Italian too."
The Swiss Government are refusing to confirm rumours that their "Large Hadron Collider" hidden deep underground in Cerne near Geneva had been pointed at Italy when someone had leant on "The Red Button" accidentally turning it on!