Written by Pointer

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Topics: Mormon, Utah

Thursday, 9 April 2009

image for Utah Calls All Straight Mormons Home
Tabernacle is now covered with magic underwear

Once one of the fastest spreading sects in the world, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has heard a clarion call from their Leader's convention. The modern descendants in the faith of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young are signaling for all of the world's Mormons to come home to Utah. Or at least the straight ones...Once a cult plagued with polygamy and careless misplacement of revelational platters, the Latter Day saints had almost achieved a modicum of respectability.

They had healthy habits, colleges that could rival the Catholics and a world class choir. But all this started to unravel as Joseph smith's children sunk the Church's treasure into Gayhate propositions. The irony of a religion founded on sexmania being almost destroyed by sexphobia was not lost on Mormon President, Sexton Conundrum:

"Straight Children of the Angel Moroni come home to Utah. Let us once again consolidate our assests and huddle our asses together for safety against this Mormon hating world that wants now to persecute us for being hating Mormons. You gay Mormons can go to Iowa, Vermont, Massachusetts, New hampshire or York or any of those European queer loving countries."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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