Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 8 April 2009

image for New "Sex Spray" is a boner of contention among its husband and wife inventors
Sex Spray to the rescue?

Belfast, Ireland - A husband and wife scientific team is credited for the development of a "sex spray" after suffering from the condition of premature ejaculation firsthand themselves. Despite their successful joint collaboration on the project, however, the married couple still holds diverging philosophical positions on the issue of premature ejaculation and the cure for it that they have discovered.

Thomas and Marian Paulson, both respected scientists in their fields, decided to address the problem of premature ejaculation professionally as it already plagued the couple in their personal lives as well, as the condition effects 40% of the male population.

However, despite their success of their 'sex spray' on test candidates, Mr. Paulson has publicly expressed personal reservations in using the product himself, citing scientific studies touting the benefits of premature ejaculation has had on the evolutionary development of mankind.

"Having a premature ejaculation problem, although not desirable for the individual is not necessarily a bad thing for mankind overall," says Mr. Paulson, wearing a white lab coat as he pours a clear liquid into a beaker and placing it over a Bunsen burner his laboratory at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast, Ireland.

Mr. Paulson theorizes that modern dissented directly from early cavemen that had premature ejaculation problems.

"It not only gave them the time necessary to escape predators," said Mr. Paulson, as he adjusted the flame on the Bunsen burner upward, causing the clear liquid to bubble lightly. "Later, with the extra time they did not waste making love, it resulted in their expand vocabulary as they had more time to talk to their mates. Over time, premature ejaculation may have even lead to the invention of cuddling."

Mr. Paulson then cited a number of scientific studies that he claims prove that men suffering from premature ejaculation, despite their condition, are better lovers because they cuddle and bonding with light conversational pillow talk after sexual intercourse.

"Those studies are inconclusive at best," said Mrs. Marian Paulson, as she tumbled out of a utility closet with her black framed eyeglasses and hair up in a bun somewhat disheveled.

As Mrs. Paulson walked somewhat wobbly in her black stilettos over to the lab table where her husband is sitting, she paused momentarily to pull out a silvery metallic cylinder about the size of a penlight from her lab coat and placed it into a desk drawer.

"They never proved a causal relationship between higher cranium development," continued Mrs. Paulson, as she brushed her hair from her forehead and pulled up a chair beside her husband. "Or if early man, or modern man for that matter, merely faking interest in the topics that interested their female counterparts simply to hang around long enough to have another go at it. What do you say, Honey?"

Mr. Paulson did not respond. Instead, Mrs. Paulson pulled out the "sex spray" from her other coat pocket. And rather forcibly slammed it down onto the counter in front of her husband.

"You can cite all the scientific studies you want about predators and premature ejaculation, but today you're my prey," said Mrs. Paulson, as she let down her hair and removed her glasses. "Now, you better try this or I'm leaving you."

As the flame on the Bunsen burner rose, the clear liquid in the beaker began to boil over; two white lab coats fell to the floor.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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