Written by Amateur Scribe
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Monday, 6 April 2009

image for Careless "Tweet" Betrays Bin Laden Position
Osama is...still on the run. Yawn.

US Special Forces were closing in on Osama Bin Laden last night, after intercepting an injudicious message from the terror chief on social networking website Twitter.

"OBL2001 is... relaxing at his favourite cave in good old Tora Bora. You know - the one with minimal security that is exactly 50 kilometres due West of the Khyber Pass. Praise Allah!" the message read - prompting a team of crack soldiers to move into the mountains from their base in Kabul.

Pentagon officials are certain it is genuine having "followed" the mysterious OBL2001 on the Twitter site for some months - although this is the first time they have managed to pinpoint his exact location.

"We were very excited back at the end of last year when we first came across this individual through our covert operatives in the "Al-Qaeda 4eva" Facebook group," said CIA spokesman Bob Dawson. "Unfortunately, most of his messages contained nothing but trivial musings on the minutiae of life as a homicidal, middle-aged lunatic, such as:

OBL2001 is... tired after stoning all those infidel pigs. Getting too old for this!

and

OBL2001 is... worried his beard is getting a bit thin :-(

"He spent most of last week posting endless inane ramblings about some 'brazen harlot' who rejected his advances back in Saudi Arabia when he first went on the run, but he was always clever enough to stay vague on the whereabouts of his various hideouts - or indeed the torture chamber where he had the poor girl lashed for showing her ankles at the market-place."

However, Dawson now thinks they have finally traced the man who has been top of the FBI Most Wanted list for the last decade.

"Our spy satellites have confirmed there has been recent activity outside a cave network at the co-ordinates described in the message - so unless this is an elaborate hoax like that time we followed a lead from Chemical Ali's MySpace page and lost dozens of highly-trained marines in a booby-trapped warehouse just outside Fallujah - then I reckon we're in business."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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