Washington,DC/ Office of the Surgeon General - A man with no formal education, and little to recommend him, found employment with the Federal Government today when it was brought to the attention of the Speaker of the House that the man was suffering from an erection going into it's ninth day.
Due to his personal genital condition, the man will be working in anonymity, at least for the present, and has been placed in a Joint Support Group (JSG) made up of a large number of incumbent Congressional Democrats, all suffering from engorged penises brought on by their recent Heady election rout.
The affliction, known as Priapism, can also occur in women and affects both sexes in basically the same way. Delusions of grandeur encouraged with political fantasies of one party rule, sends blood rushing to the nether regions causing erect penises and clitorises that can last for days.
There are many various symptoms and Priapism can affect people in different ways. Stuttering Priapism manifests itself by occurring often, without warning, and comes and goes, and also affects speech patterns. A perfect example of Stuttering Priapism is House Banking Chairman Barney Frank who often sounds like Elmer Fudd when trying to make his Point.
In any event, the conditions lead to extreme frustration and unsatisfied sexual urges as the victims run around trying to screw anything that will stand still long enough trying to seek relief.
Victims will go to any length to find a Stimulus to satisfy their urges, but only succeed in growing more frustrated and frenzied in trying to find relief.
In addition to Political Euphoria, other causes of Priapism can be excessive use of recreational drugs or alcohol, a spinal or groin injury, and even a bite from a Black Widow. Several cases of the later have been documented in Chicago, Illinois, and Detroit, Michigan, where a preponderance of Black Widows exist due to Gang related shootings.
For those that seek relief there are surgical procedures, and there is also a home remedy where you can just soak the afflicted appendage in ice to reduce the swelling, and "cool down" an overheated sex engine.
Speaking with some incumbents affected, though none wanted to be identified, the consensus was they were willing to put up with Priapism until at least 2010, and many were willing to Stick It Out until 2012.
Presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs said the condition would not adversely affect taxpayers as a whole (sic), "You may think you're getting screwed," he said to a host of reporters," but it's really only foreplay as we can't really get off on you!"
He did hasten to add however, "Your Stimulus Check is in The Mail!"