Written by bonzodog64
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 3 April 2009

image for Angela Merkel faints at the sight of Barack Obamas Fiscal stimulus package; Europeans anticipate a huge mouthful from the USA
Filthy Lucre: The samr in any language. "Try to use one sheet per visit", begs IMF

Despite initial fears that the G20 summit in London would degenerate into a 'slugfest' between Europe and America about tighter fiscal control, versus fiscal stimulus, it proved remarkably productive. Angela Merkel the German Chancellor caused concern when she fainted at the sight of Barack Obama's monstrous "Stimulus package".

"Mein Gott," she exclaimed. "It's true vot they say about you prezzeedents. Vee appreciate your ruthless, huge, unfettered, Anglo Saxon capitalism but we don't want it shoved down our throats."

A local source couldn't believe that I had just stooped so low in search of a cheap laugh.

Speaking at a news conference in London late on Thursday, Mr Obama said that the G20 leaders had agreed "unprecedented steps to restore growth and to prevent a crisis like this from happening again".

They pledged a total of $1.1 trillion (£681bn) in funding to tackle the crisis, including $750bn to the International Monetary Fund, $250bn to boost global trade and $100bn for international development banks to lend to the poorest countries.

The president's pledges and incomprehensibly large numbers caused an immediate global run on noughts leading to a chronic shortage. CEO's at General Motors and Ford let slip that they plan to switch production from cars to zero's in order to produce the huge quantity of nothing required. "Nutz" rip Rock at Detroit's GM plant in Mexico was looking forward to making the much-needed noughts. "We plan a range of nothing to meet the requirements and aspirations of everyone. Everything from an eco friendly nothing to a "beefed up" off road nought for the outdoors. We are planning a luxury zilch with hand built walnut trim, aluminium body, leather interior and compressed, fresh Swiss air for the zero interior".

Leaders also agreed to introduce tougher financial regulations and sanctions against secretive tax havens. Little Piggies will have to declare their offshore accounts and properties irrespective of construction methods. "All little pigs must state clearly state where they have stashed their properties whether straw, wood or brick", claimed a big bad wolf who threatened to "huff and puff" if the pigs won't let him in to inspect their offshore assets etc.

"A dour and haggard looking Scottish man threatened to; " take on the lotta ya, one at a time, or all at once, in the fight back against global recession." A belligerent Gordon Brown, the host of the summit then went on to "quantitively ease" himself in front of disgusted heads of state and their partners before being led away trailing a pile of useless paper in his wake.

Representatives from the developing world welcomed the outcome.

Brazilian President Carlos, Diego, Luiz Inacio, Fandango, Viagra Lula da Silva told the BBC's Newsnight programme that rich countries had engaged with emerging nations on "equal terms" to achieve a good result. "Eez the fault of blue eyed, yellow haired, honky, gay boyz with the small testes, ya know? The mary Queens widda tha no Machismo".

'Viagra' then went on to seize his testicles in a display of contempt toward Gordon Brown. "Oii Oii brownnosey! You no mess wid da Jeezuzz or I fugga youz up good, so even your own mamma no recocgnize you"!

Make bonzodog64's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 1?

3 1 9 25
79 readers are online right now!

Go to top