Written by Charlie Van Horn
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Topics: Iraq, Green

Saturday, 26 June 2004

BAGDAD, Iraq -- Former United States President William Jefferson Clinton was captured today in an operation conducted by Marines in Iraq

The forty-second commander and chief surrendered in the early morning hours in the operation titled 'One Eyed Snake Hunt'.

"We got him...well, another him" said Iraqi administrator Paul Bremer. "The 4th infantry conducted a superb operation and apprehended him without incident".

William Jefferson 'Bill' Clinton, since being removed from office by the Bush administration nearly four years ago, has been considered a fugitive by the State Department.

"He is probably at least almost nearly a good solid number six or seven on our list of five most wanted in the war on terror" Attorney General John Ashcroft said on Monday.

Clinton had become increasingly vocal in recent weeks, surpassing Osama Bin Ladens panach for audio tapes by releasing a full length book titled "My Life".

The Red Cross has visited Clinton since his capture, and stated he appeared to be in good health, but that they are concerned as to who will be placed in charge of his well being while he awaits trial.

Clinton faces nearly one count of poor writing, which, according to Ashcroft, is going to stick.

"I've had a chance to have some of the guys in the CIA, the FBI, NSA, ATF and NASA look at that book, and from the intelligence we gathered, he was planning on building a Presidential Library of Mass Destruction at the least in the United States. If you don't see that as a threat, I don't know what to tell you. Just last week in Hope, Arkansas fifteen construction workers were caught with drywall bound for a 'PLMD'"

The Department of Homeland Security announced in the hours after his capture that the terror alert level, which was Yellow, will be dropped to Green by the weekend to "make the summer so much happier".

"My Life" is currently in fine bookstores nationwide to mixed reviews.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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