DATELINE:London-- Queen Elizabeth was in shock last night, according to a royal spokesperson. The queen had just discovered some outrageous tracks on her new Ipod, courtesy of the Obamas. The shallow First Couple gave the cheap gift to the queen yesterday. The Ipod came loaded with 'musical selections' the Obamas thought the queen might enjoy.
The first selection the queen heard was called 'It's A Gas.' The five-minute track consisted of nothing but the sounds of dozens of people loudly farting. She could hear toilets flushing in the background and the sounds of defecation too. She also heard the sound of a woman laughing in the background. It sounded like Michelle Obama!
The second track was called 'Suck This.' The ten-minute tape was filled with the sounds of grown men moaning and groaning. There were lots of licking and sucking noises and Queen Elizabeth had no idea what to make of it.
The third and final track on the new Ipod went on for over 10 hours. It was called 'From Us To U' and it greatly upset the queen!
The track had a man and woman yelling every sort of curse in the English language. Vile, hateful curses and chants of death filled the queen's ears. She recognized the voices as Barack and Michelle Obama and the queen's face turned pale with shock. She could also hear two little girls laughing and cursing in the background, and assumed it was the little Obama girls.
The queen didn't want the Ipod anymore and gave it to her grandson Prince Harry today. When Prince Harry plugged the Ipod into his computer it released a computer virus. The nasty virus caused over $1 million in damages to the Royal Family's computer system. The computer virus also accessed England's nuclear weapons program.
Late reports from London indicate some sort of bright flash above Windsor Palace.