Madonna has put the turbulent history of adopting children behind her and returned David Banda to Mali, much to the annoyance of his Father three thousand miles away in Malawi.
"I will no longer be adopting children" she told a mass of reporters on her Paris doorstep this morning, "instead I will be adopting a Norfolk accent and a number of endangered mannerisms moy deerz".
When pressed on the nature of the mannerisms she is planning to adopt Madonna listed bending ones pinkie finger when drinking tea, referring to oneself as one, using the words shall and shan't, answering the telephone by reciting the final four or five numbers, and calling the phone the telephone.
"Theez all be wayz that are fallen into disuze and be classified in the "at sevoire risk o extinshun" catgree boi the U.N." she explained.
"Norfolk accent is also close to extinshun and is bein replaced by a kind ah estuary English", she went on in a bizarre mixture of Norwich and Los Angles English which at times was quite hard to follow. "Boi adopting it I'z 'opin to preserve it feh future genrayshens".
She is meeting with representatives of the Cornish language and Morris Dancing association of England tomorrow afternoon. More as we get it.