LONDON, England - According to Mr. Brown, host, world finance ministers have reached a sudden agreement.
"If all the world's currencies aren't working now, what good will it do to introduce another one, such as the Amero or the acmetal, or or the DUY (Dollar Euro Yen), or the DUM (Dollar Euro Mullah), or the SHIT (Siberian Hollandaise Italian Transylvanian), or the SCREWED (Serbian Croatian Romanian Euro Western English Dorklepenny). The fact is, when you are broke, you don't have any of these anyway, unless you siphon trillions to the banks for secret projects", Brown told me.
We did that. :(
"So, get ready for the CRAP (Crazy Ridicules Anglo Penny) to solve all our old problems, now that all of our old money has been taken away from us, we will just have to borrow the new money at even higher interest rates from the 'bankers'. They have us locked up. In the bag", Brown continued.
"But then we realized. That just makes things difficult. The real problem? Not enough resources and too many people. So we will reduce the world's population this year to one tenth of what is is now. We will repeat that every year until the people remaining are truly rich. How can we billionaires enjoy this planet when it is so crowded, smelly, and dirty?
"How to go about this? Our new CODEX will dictate enough aspartame to reduce population. We will increase wars. We will attack the people who are "tax exempt". We will spread AIDS and new lab diseases, and of course, we will have the death penalty for not paying back loans. Bill collectors will now have the option to torture or kill. So, basically what we have now, but a lot more", Brown concluded.
I excused myself to go throw up and file the story.