Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 28 March 2009

image for Facebook condom crusade against Pope raises little more than awareness of their folly
"You got your tumblers with you then? What? We don't need any of those, Darling. No! No what? You know what. Okay, o

Cameroon, Africa - Facebook nerds and geeks (mostly from European countries) recently held a joint press conference via Webcam from their bedrooms, recreation dens and basements of their parents' houses today, vowing to remain celibate and save the world.

"We encourage all our Facebook friends to continue [censored] while surfing the Web," said Maynard Groper, the 45-yearold self-appointed spokesmen for the group. "Only we're asking our members to forgo wearing their condoms while they do it and instead send them to Pope Benedict XVI."

Mr. Groper and his online Facebook friends are so doing as a sign of their discontent with the pontiff's religious convictions that morality is the first and ultimately best defense against acquiring sexually transmitted diseases such as Herpes and HIV/AIDS, which the Holy See expressed to reporters and more succinctly to the faithful on his way to Cameroon, Africa.

"Who does he think he is Jesus Christ's representative on earth or something?" said Mr. Groper, as he began to breath heavily and irregularly. "He's not the boss of me. I'm the boss of me. Me and Mr. Pip [Mr. Groper's pet name for his penis]."

The argument of science verses religious faith set aside for a moment, the folly of the Facebook condom crusaders against Pope Benedict XVI in sending them their condoms has yet to be realized. When approached with this line of questioning, Mr. Groper seemed somewhat confused in his response.

"What do you mean?" replied Mr. Groper, as he scratched the receding hairline, alternating his hands from underneath his computer keyboard to do it. "Are you saying that we wasted good condoms sending them to the Pope? When instead could have sent them to the Congo? Hey, you're right! Of course, it's more than just a political statement that my Facebook friends and me are accustomed to making, not to mention a logistical nightmare. But hey, it has got a catchy media sound bite to it: 'Condoms for the Congo'. I'll get right on it as soon as I'm finished -- I mean I have a hand free."

After reaching for a box of tissue paper, Mr. Groper then emailed his Facebook "friends" online, all 30 million of them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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