Queen Elizabeth II easily qualified for a spot in the 2012 Olympics today. She completed the run in .5 seconds. The 83-year old beat the previous world record by 19 seconds in the 200K dash. A nagging hip problem may cause her to use a cane or walker in the games but she seems destined for another Gold Medal.
Her Royal Highness has participated in every Summer Olympics since 1952. She won a Silver Medal at the Sydney Games in 2000 in pole vaulting. The late Queen Medal aced the Gold Medal in the same event, beating out her daughter.
"I do so love to keep busy, especially as I age." stated the Queen. "I must say I do enjoy winning medals and bringing honour to our wonderful nation. I feel it is my duty to support England by participating as best I can." she said.
The Queen is most proud of her Gold Medal in weight-lifting at the Beijing Olympics last year.
"Oh, yes. That was my finest hour. I'll never forget the looks on the judges faces when I bench-pressed over 1200 pounds. Everyone was speechless. Being a queen is hard work. Heavy lifting is often involved." she stated simply.
The Queen noted her disappointment with Prince Charles lack of athletic prowess.
"That lazy tosser!" she exclaimed. "Maybe one day he will win a medal for wanking off!"