Detroit,Mi, / Motown News - Music critics and baby boomers alike were aghast with the news today that Motown Record Execs had signed an historic music contract, the first ever negotiated with a sitting President, to put Barry & The Pimps on a nationwide political singing tour to raise sagging ratings, and restore his decimated 401 K Government retirement package. The contract is said to be in excess of $5m, easily surpassing rights for O'Bama's next 10 book contracts that he's already banked.
Speaking on "Late Night With Larry King", the tone deaf talking head called Barry-O " the next Sammy Davis...he's got all the moves; Light in his Loafers, multi-coloured, multi-racial, and multi-religious...a can't miss combination!"
An ESPN sportscaster, speaking when he thought his mike was closed said,"Yeah, but he often double dribbles, can't shoot when his Teleprompter is benched, and shoots too often...he's a fucking ball hog and not a team player!" The spokesman may have been Charles Barkley, but this has not been confirmed as of press time.
A PR spokesman for the historic record company, responsible for bringing hip hop and soul music to a level of popularity never before seen starting in the late 50's and early 60's, said they had also hired several other political figures to appear as opening acts for the gifted President.
Appearing, in no special order, Nancy Pelosi, and her group, "The Illegals", will be rockin' the house with her rendition of "do-op, do-op, sha-naw, Boom, DON'T GET A JOB!" a foot tapping commentary on a popular liberal theme.
Following Pelosi, a Smiling Barney Frank, appearing as all seven singers and making lightning like costume changes, will be leading the mixed audiences in his own rendition of Y.M.C.A....all 69 choruses, as he works his way through the nation's one night accommodation centers for young boys seeking to become Senate Pages.
When conditions permit, and ethnic audiences dictate, Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel will be performing, in drag, his version of Haga Nagela, as ushers pass the plate for Hillary Clinton to raise money to rebuild Gaza, and supply College Scholarships for failed bomb-makers who have lost limbs preventing them from "Getting a Job". (ed. note: See Pelosi, Nancy)
A spokesman for the group said Barry-O, as he prefers to be called while on stage now, will be doing a variety of melodies, from soulful blues, to angst filled ballads, and Profane Rap Monologue Originals to show his versatility and many faceted talents.
Some old favorites:
*I'm Just an Empty Suit Without You! (but I'm Really Full of Myself )
*Bailin' Out of Love (cause I'm tired of crying my eyes out over Ewe)
*You be so Stimulatin' (but can't get no satisfaction)
*Ho Down ( a hot rap number recounting his failed college drive bys but later illicit hits in Chicago Politics as ACORN Pimp)
Filling in for the President in Washington while he is on tour will be VP Joe Biden, along with his musical backup, wife Jilley. Interviewed on American Idol, Jilley had this to say, " You know, Joe really had 3 choices in 2008, he could have been President, Secretary of State, or the Treasury Secretary."
"We already have all the money we need thanks to our Family Hedge Fund, we found out we couldn't travel as head of State 'cause Pelosi had all the planes tied up, and Joe was just "too white" to become President, and he's just terrible at speeches...he always fucks up! VP was just right for my Joe. Now we've got everything he hoped for, and we didn't even have to work for it...Barry-O just dropped it in our lap!"
Press Secretary Robert "Groupie" Gibbs said Barry-0 will be kicking off the tour in Chicago where he will be pimping to win the 2112 Olympics for Mayor Daley and the rest of the Mob, as "Payback" for putting him in his current position as National Rock Star and Advance Man for Political Change.
Barry is said to be working on a new rendition of "I'm Just a Fool For Your Love", as he continues to perfect his stage presence and develop a better rapport with his Teleprompter to gain wider audience appeal.
Barry-0 is said to be heartbroken over the news that his wife Michelle is still missing after traveling to Aruba on the Congressional Spring Break, in an effort to find herself, but his search to find a new lead singer for the group will continue while authorities question Johann Van der Sloot and his where abouts on the fateful night when Michelle was last seen performing Karaoke and doing some Aretha Franklin hits on stage at the "Buggerall Pub", a famous watering hole frequented by tourists in the vacation "hot spot."
Al Gore is still in Jamaica recovering from Pneumonia, and has been left just Whistling "The Third Man Theme" in the Dark.