Written by dgwest7
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Topics: China, Military, Kilt

Sunday, 22 March 2009

image for Upyakilt

A factory in China has just reported record orders for police and military uniforms, and fake attachments like walkie talkies, tasers, handcuffs, and riot gear.

Our intrepid team of investigative journalists traced the order to a cave in Bradfordstan where Alan Quader has set up his control center. Inside the cave, power is provided by a team of monkeys pedalling bicycles, and international communication connections are provided by a team of people sitting on sofas smoking first-shake hashish, known as sat-alights.

By examining their cave paintings while they were inattentive during a particularly stoned session, we were able to determine their plan. They intend to provide, free of charge, a uniform and equipment to anyone who would like to make the police or army look stupid. The idea is that at every convention/protest, no civilians will be visible, because everyone will be wearing cops uniforms or riot gear. This entitles the disguised protesters to behave far more aggressively than they could otherwise, and in fact they are able to arrest those police who do not know the official password - 'Upyakilt', which was suggested by a Scottish-Arabian mother of one of the power providing monkeys.

The first official protest is planned to be at the suppliers of nuclear submarines to the world's best water polo players. Anyone in uniform who cannot respond with the official password when challenged, will be arrested, shackled into a railway box car, and shipped off to one of the official concentration camps, where they will be taught to concentrate.

Some of the worst offenders are subjected to extratradition, where they are forced to eat porridge and toss cabers until they provide information as to where their boss has stashed his bailout money.

Delivery of the equipment is scheduled in time for the next full blue moon, which will be marked by millions around the world dropping their trousers, or lifting their kilts. and revealing their posteriors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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