Chicago, Il./ Dead Politicians New Update - Like a voice from the Grave, disgraced former governor Rod Blagojevich has reached out to touch current President Barry O'Bama with one of his last official acts...one that may ultimately take the mysterious Deity Down!
In a fit of pique, Blago rushed into law a new Big Brother act requiring all Chicago Residents to submit their fingerprints when buying or selling their home.
While some say this is an infringement on their privacy rights guaranteed in the US constitution, others say this was Blago's way to once and for all lay to rest that O'Bama isn't really a US citizen....or really isn't Barrack Hussein O'Bama at all!
Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, brushed off the act as a "spiteful" by the former Governor, as Blago continued his rape and burn activities before being forced to retreat from the comfortable Governor's mansion, and said it would not affect the President.
The head of the local Board of Realtors, however, had a different story.
Louie "7%" Catchetori said that O'Bama had just recently removed his Chicago Mansion listing, telling his agent, "the house is off the table...tear up the listing, remove the signs, and forget we ever had this conversation!"
Rumors had it that the President wanted to sell his million dollar house in Chicago, and further distance himself from the sticky residue of local and statewide politics that continued to cling to him like a marinated 8 legged squid appetizer in a mob owned pizzeria.
A slowly building firestorm again started to erupt from the ashes of controversy that plagued O'Bama during his run up to the Presidency concerning his origin, and now even his legitimacy.
O'Bama emergency response agents thought they had finally put the fire out, only to see it erupt again after this latest "spark" jumped their firebreak, and threatened to engulf the President .
Press Secretary Robert Gibbs attempted to put out the fire in a recent press conference, but as usual, only added fuel to the fire while pissing in the wind.
"Look," he said to a live audience and 200 journalists, actually l Journalist from The Spoof, and 199 Hacks for Hussein, " I've known Barry, for ah, em, about 18 months now, and, um...I have no doubt the President is who he says he is, ah, like, Barry is Just Barry...and besides it's now to late to question where he really came from....!"
The press corp erupted in hysteria, trampling aging reporter Helen Thomas in the process. Despite now being in intensive care, Ms. Thomas continues to ask Nurses, "Who is that sum'bitch, anyway!" Legal Counsel Greg Craig said that Ms. Thomas is under "heavy" sedation, and really doesn't know what she's saying.
Meanwhile in he Senate, Chris Dodd, the triple forked tongue head of the Banking Committee is trying to push through another " Dodd Amendment" to vacate Blago's statute. Dodd, who is currently suffering amnesia and can't remember pushing the last amendment, that carries his name and allowed AIG to suck up $200M in "retention" bonuses, says that Emanuel is" twisting my arm and squeezing my balls" to get this through the Senate.
Apparently, Dodd's Senate colleagues, already sensing the political demise of the ethically challenged politician, are having none of it, looking out for their own ass as "pay back"comes to roost in the 2010 congressional elections.
House Banking Chairman, Barney Frank, is said to be now working on the problem and reportedly has suggested that O'Bama let his house slide into Foreclosure, at which point, as a minority, he would simply be reimbursed for his loss under the just approved "Minority Home Recovery Act". The Act, funded by taxpayers, would assure the President of being reimbursed 145% of the home's actual value and be considered "just compensation" for being born Black. "Of course," said Frank, " it's not simply a Black or White situation, as Barry is somewhat Grey, but I'm sure the Recovery Act takes in all shades of Discrimination and even covers Illegal Immigrants!" (ed. note: OOPS!)
Oprah reports that Michelle O'Bama is NO LONGER proud of her country, and definitely loathes Cook County Illinois, the state of Illinois, and the Chicago Bulls, and doesn't think the University of Chicago will get to the Final Four.
Meanwhile, Chris Matthew, in charge of O'Bama's Marketing Division, is on the trail of a Chinese company importing Bowling Balls, with diving brakes, in Barry's Image...Chinese Rep Hu Nhu says sales are rolling along, especially since O'Bama made fun of Special Olympics Participants.
"Shameful!", said former VP Al Gore, freezing his ass off in Jamaica while recovering from triple pneumonia.