Written by Mrs Kensington
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Friday, 20 March 2009

image for Ronnie Wood "It's True - Rod Stewart IS a Tight Scottish Tw*t"
Keith Richards "In Coma"

Neolithic-looking lothario Rolling Stone, Ronnie Wood, who left his beautiful blonde wife for a 63 year old Russian lap dancer last year, has spoken out in support of Rod Stewart's son Sean, who claimed that his father was "cheap" on a trial by television show.

"The fuckin' tartan toe-rag didn't buy me one drink during the entire time we were in the Faces together" the booze-addled star slurred at a press conference today. "He only invited me to his weddings so he could nick my credit card and put it behind the bar. Why do you think I left the Faces and joined the fucking Stones?"

Wood, who's nose is 25 years older than the rest of his body, added that since he first worked with Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, he'd "never been sober". "It's fucking fantastic. We had a riot when we were filming 'Pirates of the Caribbean' Keith fell out of a coconut tree and was in a coma for three days and nobody even fucking noticed"

Asked to comment about rumours that the old rocker, who colours his hair with boot polish, was reuniting with skinflint Stewart and reviving the Faces, he told reporters. "Yeah well the new bird thinks I should go to rehab, but I told her if she wants me to stop drinking the best place for me is with that tight old Scottish twat Stewart"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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