It was announced today that in an attempt to cut pollution on the Spanish coast during the Summer holiday season, scientists will release robot fish which are capable of tracking down excrement from British tourists.
Modelled on carp and costing about £20,000 ($29,000) each to make, the fish are to be lifelike in appearance and swimming behaviour so they will not alarm holiday makers and will lie in wait beneath the surface of the water.
As soon as a floater is discharged from a British arse, the fishes' tiny chemical sensors will detect it and accelerate from 0 to 30 mph in twenty seconds towards the target, equipped with razor sharp teeth, which can reportedly "rip off a human testicle in 3 seconds"
The fish, which are the result of a three-year research project funded by the European Commission, are hoped to revolutionise the way we deal with global pollution and climate change.
A spokesman for the Spanish Tourist Board told reporters "Of course we are pleased to make such an important contribution to the global environment. Being able to rip the bollocks off a few bastard Brits while we're at it is just the icing on the cake."