Pacific ocean - (Seismic Fishy Tales Mess): A tense standoff between the US Navy surveillance ship Impeccable and the Chinese fleet's flagship Who Flung Dung nuclear submarine resulted in a massive underwater crash today.
Pentagon sources immediately spun the incident as a 'routine underwater volcanic eruption' near the Pacific islands of Hunga Tonga and Hunga Ha'apai, east of Fiji.
The Impeccable's captain had earlier reported having been harassed in a near collision with an armed Chinese submersible following weeks of covert tailing of oriental drug trafficking craft.
The explosion registered 7.0 on the Richter scale and caused millions of fish to be blown sky high out of the water along with bits of the Chinese sub.
Coastal residents are said to be very pissed that their entire recreational drug supplies for the Spring Equinox celebrations are now up in smoke.