Written by Miko
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Topics: Prison, Eating

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

image for Man Eats His Way Out Of Prison

A man serving 25 years to life in North State Prison has managed Incredibly to escape by literally EATING his way to freedom.

Fred Crudbill (Big Fred), 43, had served just 6 years of the 25 year sentence he was serving for Grand Larceny, when last Tuesday, Fred, along with his PRISON CELL, were found to have completely vanished into thin air, leaving a nasty gap in the old cell block.

Turns out that Fred scoffed one wall at a time, and as he went along had replaced each of the missing walls with a cleverly moulded paper mache "double."

He and his buddies had apparently constructed the paper mache "doubles" right under the noses of the dozy warders at Wisconsin State Prison's Art Center over the months leading up to what the whole of America is calling: The 'Ate' Escape.

North State Prison Governer Herbert Holdem commented: "Yesireee that Fred sure done fooled us.. he ate first the walls.. then the bars.. then to top-it-all-off he ate the godamn ceiling and damnit the godamn floor too! I sure will miss that ugly son' bitch though.. Hee Hee"

North State Police Chief Randy Heffer Jnr said that he expected that Fred would be easy to recognise as he will probaby still be donned in his prison garb complete with paper napkin. Fred was known to be a perfectionist when it came to his eating.

A reward of $25,000 has been offered to anyone that turns Fred in, or delivers him Dead or Alive to the nearest Sheriff's Office.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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