"The days of notorious pirate Sticky Micky are numbered", said Governor Whether-or-Not this week, "He has made his bed and must now lie in it."
"Pirate Constitutions do not work, the only serve to make a few wealthy - their ill gotten gains must be returned to the people," he said when he announced the widely expected news, "and Gordon Brown needs some of the millions that have been stashed away by the Pirates of the Caribbean".
Sticky Micky squealed for help from other crews, but they turned their blind eyes. He must suffer his fate.
Refurbishment of "Grand Turk Suites" (special resort) is almost completed ready to receive the Pirate captain and members of his crew at Her Majesty's pleasure.