Qumran - (Grateful Dead See Scrolls Mess): An eminent biblical scholar has shocked Israeli rabbis by claiming the existence of Essene sects (sic) was a psychotic fabrication by first century AD Jewish-Roman historian Flamius Josephus.
"It was all a ridiculous spoof," Israeli scholar Rachel Elior claimed this week, "designed to flame Herodian trolling about incest cover-ups in Judea.
"And although it doesn't exactly dwarf that other New testament spoof of the Resurrection it's is still a giant great big whopper."
Elior believes the Scrolls are almost certainly the earliest form of theological satire ever written.
"Flamius Josephus was notorious for his abuse of marijuana and biblical crack cocaine," Elior explained, "which he would ingest along with some dodgy Spartan dealers hellbent on winding up the Israelites.
"The rest is all hystery."