Beverly Hills, California/ Psychology Today/ Celebrity Profile - An Arrest Warrant was issued today for a sexually confused Lindsay Lohan by a Beverly Hills judge on unspecified charges, that could send the Muff Diving Diva back to jail for up to 3 years.
The 22 year old Hollywood Personality with little talent, had been on probation for a 2007 drunk driving incident in which she wrecked one of her vehicles during a late night binge, crashing it into a Brazilian Pepper Tree on Rodeo Drive, claiming a man with the World's Largest Penis was chasing her in a Hummer.
A Witness to the incident said the "actress" was hallucinating, and that Warren Beatty was only trying to get her to slow down, and discuss a possible upcoming movie role in a religious comedy, "Nun of This, Nun of That".
Lohan spent a total of 84 minutes in jail, about the longest guards could tolerate her antics. During her stay, she was also charged with Drunk Diving, when she sexually attacked her cell mate, who loved it, and refused to press charges. Lindsay was released on Parole, with the condition that any further irresponsible acts would land her heine back in custody.
Insiders claim Lohan's life and career has spiraled out of control since she gave up young men, and switched her sexual preference to women.
"She's been looking for love in all the wrong Panties," said one former friend.
The latest episode, that could land her in jail, may be the Las Vegas tiff she and current girl friend, 31 year old DJ Samantha Ronson had at a private club.
Bystanders said there was a screaming match, and both left the club with their panties in an uproar; "Sam" escaped in her Porsche, and Lindsay burned rubber in her Mercedes, allegedly in a Road Rage Race to see who could get back to Los Angeles first.
"They've had these little tiffs before, " said Hollywood Hanger On and interior decorator Dick Hertz, "and it usually ends up in frantic lovemaking and promises of undying love. Then Lindsay usually buys Sam another car!"
Police officials, speaking off the record, since they were heterosexual, and were not cleared to speak on gender issues, said a quick check of the records indicate that Lohan never did have a driver's license, even at the time of her earlier arrest. The official surmised this fact may have been overlooked by the female judge , an appointment of Nancy Pelosi, after a closed door hearing with Lohan in Chambers, and resulted in the Delusional Debutante being given "a 15th Chance". "Her pussy has had more than 9 lives, " said the perplexed official, "but I think this time even her educated tongue won't help her get out of this!"
Inmates at a nearby Women's Prison are getting ready to welcome their most famous guest, and an auction amongst inmates is being held to see who Lindsay's next Roomie will be.
So far the bootie is up to 2 cartons of Camel Lights, a tube of chap stick, and a contraband dildo manufactured in the prison's shop class powered by rubber bands.