After a psychological test, all members of the government have been officially registered as insane, and have been transferred out of harms way to a very comfortable nursing home-cum-asylum somewhere near Brighton.
The crunch came as a result of the final question in the test.
Q. What is the best way to solve a financial crisis if you have 65 billion pounds available
a) Give it to a few rich bankers, with no strings attached.
b) Give one thousand pounds to every citizen on the condition that they spend it before Christmas.
All those who answered a) are obviously insane.
Having disposed of the trouble makers, the cleaning staff in Westminster met last night to determine what to do with the bailout money, which had been found in a litter basket in Gordon Brown's old office.
Having traced the ownership of all central and reserve banks to the Rothschild and Rockefeller families and their close relations, they have now deliberated over the validity of this monopoly, and concluded that the banks must be closed down.
Consequently, the bail out originally planned by Gordon Brown is not to go to the monopolised banks as planned, but will go to Florence and Zebidee Blankhouse of 10 Cragg Street, Upper Willesden, whose cousin is the longest serving member of Westminster, having been cleaning the gents toilet for thirty five years.
When asked what he would do with the money, Zebidee said "I will do exactly what the government would do if it wasn't working to some weird agenda. Sixty five billion quid is a huge amount of money, so I will issue vouchers which must be spent in the next year."
"I will issue these vouchers to every legal UK citizen, all sixty plus million of them. Do you realise that Gordon Brown's 'stimulus package' of 65 billion pounds represents over 1000 pounds for every citizen. If every citizen had to spend an additional 1000 pounds within the next 12 months, anyone with an IQ above room temperature can see that would be far more effective at kick-starting the economy than giving the money to a handful of people who have an amazing propensity to making money disappear."
"These people can use their money as they see fit. Each one will receive just over a thousand pounds, so a family of four has over four thousand pounds."
"Our recommendation would be that these people get together, under the newly formed party called The Sane People's Party. They will start their own usury free bank, and completely ignore anything to do with the previous government. Parliament will be treated with the disdain it deserves. HM Government will become as a minority race amongst the indigenous populace, who are extremely grateful for this opportunity to get rid of the oppressive tyrants and to become free of their lunatic machinations."
"Individual small societies will declare themselves as sovereign villages, and will remove all semblance of anything to do with HM Government, and HM.
Squatters rights will be declared on land and all mortgages cancelled, banks will operate without usury, medicine will be placed in the hands of healers instead of business men, education will be placed in the hands of students instead of teachers, military will be abandoned as unnecessary, taxation if any will be purely local and democratically agreed upon, and newspapers will be allowed to be used for packaging on fish and chips.
The changeover to the new arrangements is expected to take place at half past three in the morning, in order to avoid people losing sleep over it.
For those who are unfamiliar with the value of one pound, think of it this way.
The American stimulus fund is 750 billon, for 300 million people. So under these new policies, every American citizen will receive 2500 dollars, to be spent before Christmas. That's ten thousand dollars for a family of four.
During Zebidee's enquiries, he had discovered that today's youngsters are completely disillusioned by the total complexity of Westminster and Washington's politics and sheer lunacy of Wall street and the Square Mile's finance. He confirmed that all citizens had complete free will on what to do with their money, but he recommended that they all contact each other, and decide what the new government will look like.
They had already nominated a spokesman, a brilliant break dancer from Liverpool, who said "In any form of representation, it is essential that the representative understands the desires of every single person they represent. With each of the current 659 MPs representing about 93,000 people, this is impossible. So we have decided to devolve government down to a size where representatives are able to personally know each of their constituents.
We estimate that the maximum number of people that anyone can know well is about 500, so that means a total of just over a million representatives.
Now that the previous incumbents of the palace of Westminster have been transferred to H.M. Asylum, Brighton, everything becomes clear.
Obviously the Palace of Westminster could not hold the required one million plus people, so the palace will revert to its original usage as a Royal Palace, a fitting celebration for its 150th birthday this year. However, in keeping with our concept of disposing of all the ancient stupidity from past paradigms, we are going to create a new Royal Family, who will become responsible for organising raves and concerts throughout the land.
Anyone can enter the National break-dancing and singing contest which will start the day after we receive our vouchers. The winner will be crowned the new King or Queen of England.
Elizabeth is said to be taking lessons in the hopes of retaining her status, but the favourite is a young lady from Wrexham, who hasn't stopped dancing since the day she could first stand upright. Another favourite competitor is the cockney-rhyming rap singer, Wunch Delight.