Written by bonzodog64
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Topics: Economy, Swearing

Saturday, 14 March 2009

image for Fears of profanity trade war prompts foul mouthed stock exchange of words
The culmination of a frank and vigorous exchange

Fears of protectionism as Europe and America use homegrown profanities in place of imported filthy words, phrases, gestures and comments.

Before the economic downturn, the G8 nations operated a more or less, level playing field for trading insults, profanities and operated with a minimum of interventionalism when things got out of hand. However When encountering bad news, inconvenience or downright exasperation, a disturbing trend for protectionism appears to be emerging, claim international colloquial insult experts.

A year ago, It was not unreasonable for an urbane, cultured, sophisticated, American to utter, "Merde, Sacre Merde" when opening his redundancy notice. Now the emerging masses of United States unemployed are having to cut back and use homegrown expressions of rage and indignation such as "Holy Crap", or "it looks like I'm shit canned again".

At the British docks of Southampton, Harwich and Tilbury, huge ocean line containers of bollocks, cunts, fucks, arseholes, dickheads and 0ther Profanities lie idle as orders for UK, foul language dry up.

"The British domestic market for foul 'mouthfuls' is already saturated with cheaper Eastern European "mouth offs" and Chinese copies". Claims Kenneth Williams's head of marketing at Double Entendres, which boast. "Twice the meaning or your risqué comment is free".

"Ooohhh, claimed Kenneth. "Innuendo sales alone have gone down on us suddenly and dramatically. I did not know where to look. I could do with a good Firkin to take my mind off it all."

"The foreign copies are cheap but lack intensity and penetration". Claimed The United Kingdom trade Secretary Peter "Mandy" Mandelson. "I promise to raise the issue at a summit near mount Seldom near Lake Flaccid, later in the week."

"Mandy" countered his critics by claiming, "Don't rush me, I think you'll find the result is worth waiting for", to which production manager at Double Entendres, Sid James replied,"So is Christmas, but you won't find me stuffing your turkey"!

Gordon Brown along with a host of European Leaders and the US President, Barack Obama urged caution and warned of the danger of a protectionist vocabulary. The UK Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling was criticised recently for letting fly with a string of eye watering profanities on being handed the most recent trade figures.

"I couldn't believe it", said a maintenance worker at the treasury. "A right royal mouthful it was, made my ears bleed and blew out several second floor windows. I think it's disgusting that the ruling elite continue to waste taxpayer's money on frivolous temper tantrums. The rest of us Britons, seething with discontent, have to settle for economy expressions of indignation and fury when we discover our pension funds have vanished and weve been laid off from work."

Former RBS Chairman Sir Fred Goodwin the former chief executive who took the Royal Bank of Scotland to the brink of collapse, is refusing to give back his £16m pension fund filth despite massive political pressure for the wanker to abandon the £693,000-a-year foul mouth payout. Sir Fred continues to indulge in a massive financial "Fuck you" that the Government is unable or unwilling to resolve.

Meanwhile ordinary British citizens find their expressions of indignation worthless when confronted with the actions of these corporate criminals.

A program of quantative easing begins this week to get the flow of filth moving again both on the domestic front and internationally. It will involve the Wank of England printing billions of pounds worth of "liquid assets" and releasing it on unsuspecting victims through local banks

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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