As the sun goes down on her glittering career, the ex-Big Brother housemate Jade Goody has told her publicist that she is now ready to accept visits from the rich and famous, and from the showbusiness world.
Goody is now the most popular person in Britain, regularly getting bags of fanmail, but professes to be bored with stardom, and spends all day in bed counting her money.
This week, however, there was cheery news for the ex-racist when news of a Royal visit reached Goody Towers.
Her Majesty the Queen, who is, herself, a massive Jade Goody fan, is to call on her at home for a chinwag.
The Vatican has also revealed that the Pope is set to fly from Rome in an unprecedented visit to Essex, and even Aussie legend, Rolf Harris, says he will find time to put in an appearance. Harris has vowed to bring along his most treasured possessions, his didgeridoo and his wobble board, and has also promised to capture Jade's serene reverence with one of his splendid slapdash paintings.
Jack Tweed/Tweedy is a dipstick.