Kim Jong Junction, North Korea-North Korean authorities have suspended their intelligence gathering activities in the west after the last 5,000 spies they sent there failed to return.
Officials believe that the spies get comfortable with their new life styles and forget all about their patriotic duties to the homeland. North Korean authorities are largely powerless to stop them as anyone they send to retrieve the spies is immediately corrupted by the west's "decadent" ways and defects.
Those spies that do bother to report back are notoriously unreliable. Their work is sloppy and in some cases nonsensical. One operative for instance, insisted that his source was absolutely correct in reporting that "Iraq Obama Loves Chicken Poodle Soup". Another reported that the United States was "preparing to lunch on an unmanned island off the coast of Alaska."
The spies themselves are easily spotted by western officials. They're the somewhat rotund people who hang out near the hotdog roller grills and Slurpy machines at the local Seven-Eleven.
The situation is so bad that their intelligence agency has resorted to gathering information by watching pirated DVD's of American soap operas and old British sitcom's.