Washington,DC/ National Bedroom Inquirer - In a shocking revelation, it was revealed today that the President has a prosthetic leg, more like a tripod, to keep him on point, and prevent him from falling on his ass in front of a national audience. The third leg, relied on for support, is a state of the art Teleprompter, and it is said he "won't leave home without it", and even takes it to the men's room for "Presidential Business."
Apparently, the Teleprompter isn't just to help keep Obama's Zombies mesmerized, but apparently he uses it ,like others use Viagra, in the marital bedroom as a "Sex Aid".
A Geek Technician, formerly employed by the failed Circuit City chain, revealed today he installed a unique program in the bedroom version of the Teleprompter for "those special moments" when the President and his earthy wife try to rekindle their early marital sparks, hosting kinky "date nights."
It appears that the President, in finely crafted scenarios, and elaborate plots, slowly kindles the mating urge in his wife. The seduction starts out with bringing in some of Hollywood's leading Liberal Lorathios, recently George Clooney and Brad Pitt, who flit and flirt with the First Lady, much to her enjoyment, and kindling the Voyeur instincts in the President.
Later, retiring to the master bedroom, Obama kicks in the teleprompter, and reads passages from Lady Chatterley's Lover, The Story of "O", (his personal favorite), and preliminary dialogue from early battle scenes of "Shakka Zulu" when the Black Prince kicks the shit out of he British, before Michael Caine figures out they really aren't invincible and protected by Tribal Mandate, Voodoo and Buffalo Dip on their shields.
Surrounded by mirrors, the teleprompter scripting his every well turned move, confidants of the First Lady, say it is a stellar acting performance by
the President, worthy of an Academy Award, or at least a Golden Globe.
The First Lady did say, however, she feels kind of left out of the performance.
"He really doesn't need me at all," a frustrated Michelle told her Maid in Waiting, "he just really gets off on himself all the time!"
Rumors are now circulating that the First Lady is being overly attentive to her WHITE handy man, sometimes Plumber, and basic jack of all trades, Benny "the Bone" Costalano, who gave up a lucrative Union job in Chicago to join the White House staff at the urging of the First Lady.
Michelle claims "I just couldn't do (it) without him....besides, ", she says, "Barry just loves to Direct our little fantasies, he's got a real talent for it, and enjoys pulling everybody's strings...I guess that's why his fans hail him as "The Great Mass Debater ". Sure gets lonely on the bottom, though,"she mused, idly diddling herself, thinking about next Wednesday's super guest, Sean Penn, "maybe he'll talk dirty to me in Spanish!"
One can only dream, Michelle.