Written by Dan DiLucchio
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Topics: Iraq, Cars

Tuesday, 22 June 2004

Iraq, June 22, 2004. Fifteen terrorists were killed today in a shootout amongst themselves over the last drivable car in Baghdad. It appears that recent car bombings have completely depleted the vehicles in the area. Joe Pacifico of the local Baghdad Ford dealership said "Getting new vehicles in is tough and the competition for the ones we do get is intense. Most of the new Focus' are selling for well over retail and trying to find a drivable used car, well, forget it."

Terrorists, with huge wads of money supplied by the Saudis, are engaged in bidding wars for the Fords as quickly as they hit the show room floor. "I have some pretty pissed off customers," said Pacifico, "My biggest fear is that they give up on the car bombings altogether and, well, there goes my business." Pacifico has been in the car business for decades and he says recent business is unprecedented although insurance claims have risen recently.

Drive by camel bombings had been the modus operandi for centuries in Iraq, but is no longer effective. "Those damn things smell and the debris is impossible to get off the carpeting," said Mohair Musfammigh.

A U.S. military spokesperson, under a pledge of not telling anyone who he is, has admitted that restricting new car sales is the most effective strategy the army could think of to reduce and ultimately eliminate the car bombings. "No car, no bomb," said the unnamed Commander, "what could be simpler?"

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