Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 4 March 2009

image for Belgians are interesting after all
Howizeee?! Flemmish for "He's Out."

In an effort to make Belgium appear more than just the home of Jean Claude Van Damme and Stella Artois, Belgian historians have uncovered unconvincing evidence that the source of many great things lay in Belgium.

The first targets of the Belgian historians Witte Van Mann and Hercule Poirot (no relation) are the British institutions of Cricket, Golf and Tennis.

Most people put Cricket at the heart of what it is to be quintessentially English, whilst the Scots have maintained for five centuries that they have invented Golf, pressing the information even on people who agree with them. Although Tennis is known to have evolved from a French game, the game as it is played now is generally believed to have a spiritual home in Wimbledon, near the Wombles.

Van Mann and Poirot beg to differ.

"Cricket was being played in the 1500s by shepherds in Flanders," said Poirot, revealing a detective story his name sake would have been proud of. "Indeed, the very word cricket is a corruption of the Walloon word for boredom. There are paintings of shepherds hitting a ball with their crooked staffs."

Meanwhile the sport to which Van Mann and Poirot refer to, they believe, also led to golf, when it was taken to Scotland.

"Tennis translates from Walloon into English as Wet Weather Sport," said Van Mann. "Linguistically, it must have originated in Belgium."

For their next trick, the two historians will show how the Belgians were the first to have powered flight, and how they invented the Internet in 1604.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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