Written by Morse
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Tuesday, 3 March 2009

image for Al Gore Recants Global Warning Mantra After Almost Suffocating in Snowboarding Incident In Georgia!
Marine Patrol Saves Gore & Wife From Winter Storm on Georgia Beach: Global Warming Theories now Bullshit, Says Big Al!

Tybe Island, Georgia, Spring Break News - In a shocking turnaround, Global Warming Guru, Nobel Peace Prize Winner, and Solar Power Dildo Spokesman Al "Mr. Green" Gore, recanted all his theories on Global Warming after a near fatal accident during a beach side vacation with his wife Tipper.

Al and Tipper were expecting a sun filled, temperate holiday at the beach side 3* resort on Tybe Island, and instead were suddenly overwhelmed when an unprecedented 22" Snow Fall engulfed the pair on a deserted beach where they were renewing their wedding night vows with vigor.

The first emergency calls were phoned in from a man snow shoeing and walking his dog on the beach when he thought two Right Whales had lost their way, and unintentionally beached themselves.

When Emergency Personnel and Marine Patrol officers reached the beached hulks, they found the former Vice President and his wife, suffering from hypothermia, snow lice, frozen testicles, and a frost bitten vagina. Officers immediately performed life saving techniques that did not include mouth to mouth.

The Gores' clothes were nowhere to be found, and officials say the search for their personal possessions will be called off "till late summer, after the July Thaw." The former VP was wearing his socks and wing-tips at the time, however, which prevented frost bite to his toes.

The now obese VP, who weighs in at a hefty 375 pounds, says the experience of being "snow boarded", caused him to see his life flash before his eyes, and he finally realized all the calculations he used in forming his Global Warming positions were "incredibly wrongheaded!"

Gore, whose outsized frame now requires 11,500 fat burning calories a day to subsist, still refused to believe , however, that he contributes to emitting harmful greenhouse gases into the atmosphere.

A recent check with Energy Czar, Sheik al Bin Mohammed, confirmed by Google, verified that Gore was in line to be charged with an unbelievable Carbon Tax, endorsed by President Obama and his "New Raw Deal" program.

"The man is a human, noxious, toxic fart machine," the Sheik said, " he emits more gas into the atmosphere than a diesel powered Hummer with a clogged air filter!"

Tipper was also happy to have survived the ordeal. Appearing on Oprah she exclaimed," You have no idea how scared I was....that fat fuck could have crushed me to death! I'm lucky to be here to tell the tale!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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