Cancun,Mexico/ Missing Persons News & Travel Alert Bulletin - A spokesman for the beleaguered Mexican Travel Bureau announced today a multi-million Peso ad campaign to encourage spring breakers to continue to flock to it's blood stained beaches.
Pedro "Boom Boom" Enchilada, Minister of Death, Travel, Taxes & Tourism, announced the signing of noted coed chaperone , traveller, bon vivant and self admitted sex slave salesman, van der Sloot to head up the campaign.
Mexico, awash in headless bodies, executed law enforcement officials, and with 45,000 armed military forces under attack from violent drug cartels, is trying to put on a happy face to encourage the needed tourist dollars brought in by drunken, naked fraternity and sorority college students during the time honored tradition of acting stupid while texting and adding to their "friends" list on Face Book.
Producers of the annual "Girls Gone Wild" TV series, now more popular than the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue, are said to have contributed to the ad campaign, as 98% of its revenue is produced during the short Spring Break time period. "For some reason," said "Girls" spokesman Paul "the perv" Bottomsley, " this is the only time of year these girls are prone to take all their clothes off and perform for the cameras. Hard to fathom, really."
Van der Sloot, considered a prime "person of interest" in the missing person case of spring breaker Natalee Holloway in Aruba, has thrived on his notoriety since he was linked to the case. His popularity has soared since he appeared on Larry King, and was also linked to the temporary disappearance of Fox Investigative Reporter Greta Van Susteran, shortly after she asked him a series of tough questions regarding his sales and marketing job in the Thailand Tourist Sex industry.
Van der Sloot's popularity on Face Book and U-Tube, dipped momentarily during the Michael Phelps bong flurry, but he is now back on top with "hits" after it was disclosed he may be appearing on Dancing With the Stars partnered with Nadja Suleman,of Octuplet Fame.
American college students, who are protected by the ACLU and a Dependent Children Rights Package, can not be forbidden to travel to Mexico by their parents, who no longer have any parental rights.
According to ACLU spokesman Sandy Kracq, parents are only mandated to continue to send tuition payments to institutes of higher learning for their child's continuing education, but are not even allowed to follow the kid's progress by receiving report cards,record keeping on number of abortions, drug rehab stints, or even lack of attendance.
A recent case surfaced where a coed had dropped out of school at UCLA, and the parents continued to send her money for her tuition for 6 years, thinking she just continued to "change her major." The coed, earning $1500 a week as a "hostess" in a gentleman's club was distraught when the parents cut off the stipend, and has filed suit with the ACLU under a Human Rights Abuse clause. Chances of winning the case in California's 8th District Court, are considered "above 110%" according to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
Meanwhile a Mexican dairy producer has commissioned a new series of milk cartons ready to roll out as soon as spring break starts, and coeds start going missing. Parents can post pictures of their missing daughters on the milk cartons for a nominal fee, and even receive a commemorative plaque.
The TV crime stopper hit "Most Wanted" is also getting ready with its own DVD, "Girls Gone Missing" , which will be bilingual.