London, UK / Air Travel News - A disgruntled passenger caused a long flight delay today at Heathrow International Airport when he strongly contested being surcharged for having an overweight scrotum, which airport security classified as "carry on baggage" exceeding the posted weight limit for overhead storage.
Percey Livingstones, who works as a barnacle scrapper in the seaport town of Bristol, and is also well known as the Man With The Largest Scrotum, was detained at the boarding gate of Virgin Airlines, when the scanning machine showed an anomaly in his groin area, raising suspicions from alert security screeners trained in spotting "suspicious packages."
Livingstones protested his detainment vociferously, claiming that his "baggage" was under control, and he had no intention of detaching them from his person and storing them in any of the overhead compartments, and therefore they would cause no hazard should the aircraft encounter "turbulence."
In addition to his "alligator grained bags", Percey was also traveling with his own toilet paper, an empty 5 gallon dry wall bucket complete with lid, a personal security blanket and a small pillow.
Livingstones, who works only part time as a barnacle scrapper employed by the exhibitors of the SS Great Britain, claimed he only had a small disability payment he won after his claim that his ball sack was inadvertently caught in the revolving door at Harrods during a "2-for" sale on Marmite, and stretched to its current size. For that reason, he said, and due to the current new inflight surcharges on toilet tissue, using the loo, and outrageous rents on blankie and pillows, he was forced to bring his own necessaries.
As the plane, scheduled to leave for the colonies, dawdled on the tarmac, delayed for over 4 hours, airline reps said they had already paid for the aviation gas for the trip by passengers driven to the loo and forced to pay $20 a dump, and $.50 per sheet of TP.
A compromise failed after 3 hours of negotiations when Livingson, getting weary, said he would be willing to "check his baggage", but was afraid his balls would wind up in Cleveland, while he was visiting his Uncle Buck in Florida, apparently not an uncommon occurrence for Heathrow travelers.
To resolve the delay, and the problem, passengers took up a collection on board, and the "overweight" surcharge of $150.50 was paid.
To repay his fellow travelers, the relieved Livingstones allowed them to use his portable "shitter" during the 8 hour flight and handed out free toilet paper.
He was given a prolonged ovation "for standing up to the bastards", awarded 1000 frequent flyer miles by the airline to make up for any "inconvenience" and a lap dance by the senior stewardess, Amy "Bubbles" Snodgrass, 67, from Manchester.
Upon greeting Livingstones at Miami International Airport, Uncle Buck had only this to say as he shook his head, "the man has SOME balls, I'll say that!"