Bush insists Saddam had Al Qaeda Contacts
Washington, DC-- Furor and controversy in Washington. Eyeglass and contact manufacturer Bausch & Lomb denied selling its Al Qaeda brand contact lenses to former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.
"We implore Bausch & Lomb to discontinue manufacture of the Al Qaeda contacts. It causes warped vision, misguided idealism, and religious fanaticism," said President Bush yesterday. The company denied the charges.
"We tailor our products to many local markets around the world, like any global business," said Bausch & Lomb spokesperson, "and our research shows that by far and away the best selling brand of contacts is Al Qaeda. Like, man, have you ever seen a terrorist wearing glasses? They'd be laughed off of Al Jazeera. No, when you need to make a statement, you had better wear contacts, and Al Qaeda contacts are the best anywhere."
"Availability of our brand of Al Qaeda contacts is and has always been restricted to the dangerous few," said a company spokesman, "and have never been allowed to be sold in Iraq."
"Not unless," he added, "things continue to get worse."