Written by Factus Factorum
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Topics: History, Ancient, Roman

Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Ceasar admits he is still alive
Caesar in his hey day of dictatorial powers

The Roman Emperor Julius Ceasar gave a press conference to finally answer rumours that he is still alive.

Speaking in front of the world's media and several legions of the Roman Guardia Civil the Emperor said that there had been a slight confusion over his death and as one thing led to another it all just spiralled out of control.

"Yes its true there was a death attempt on me, and Brutus and his gang of cohorts did corner me on the Ides of March ,and did fairly stab me about the place....but being the incompetent dicks they always were, they missed all my vital organs and arteries....somehow I survived"

The 2,109 year old Caesar went into hiding and decided to quit dictatorships and politics for a new peaceful life altogether.

"I wanted to come back out of hiding and reveal myself again but gosh things had so moved on ...I figured it best to move on too ...I was a travelling hairdresser for about 500 years but got bored and then became a chef, but hated the disgusting standards of inn kitchens in the Dark Ages. I enjoyed a stint as a landscape gardener in the New World for a bit but didn't much fancy the violence of the Spanish Conquistadors."

Julius, who currently runs a mobile pizza parlour just outside Pisa says he has no plans to retire and is thinking about becoming a professional footballer...

"I am having trials with Sampdoria so lets see what happens.... when I get a bit older I may slow down and take things easy but while I have my health there are still many things I want to do. Viva La Vida as they say....oh hang on who said that recently????"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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