Written by McKiernan
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Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Northern Ireland Guns for Murder
A Professional Protestant marksman spots a cowering Catholic up a Dewey Deciduous.

The Sectarian Hunting Season got kicked off in Northern Ireland yesterday with the Annual 'Ash Wednesday Hunt' in Belfast. Every year Catholics have to go to church to get ashes spread on their foreheads in the shape of a cross.

The reason given for this to the World is that by doing this it shows your devotion to Jesus and it is also a sign of repentance. The truth is that Catholics have to have these ashes placed on their heads so Protestants can identify them in crowded areas.

"The idea to use the ashes as a crosshair was ingenious", said Dr. Ian Paisley, founder of the 'Ash Wednesday Hunt'."It saves from unwanted friendly fire and really gives us something good to aim at".

Of course when a catholic is spotted they are allowed to be warned of the oncoming attack and are given ten seconds to find a place to hide but normally this does not matter as the Protestants are keen marksmen.

The official numbers emerged this morning and showed that it was a record breaking year with 4,567 Catholics killed, over 3,000 of who were shot directly on the ashen head target, which gives the killer a 5 point bonus for the season. At the end of the season the person with the most points collects the title of "hunter of the year" as well as a cheque for £100,000 and an trophy of either the queen sticking a bullet through Bobby Sands face or Gerry Adams having a wank over the Union Jack.

The next event on the calendar is the "St.Patricks Day Gun Fest" which is for Catholics to freely hunt Protestants. The the real excitement begins as the Open Season kicks off. So polish off your hunting equipment and get shooting, Sectarian style.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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