Written by dgwest7
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Thursday, 26 February 2009

image for Sensational find in Shrewsbury - Darwin's "Origins of Woman"
Mabel Collin's hanbag proves that women originate from Walmart

A sensational find has been made at the District Valuer and Valuation Office of Shrewsbury. A package wrapped in a copy of "Punch" dated 12 February 1823, was discovered pushed behind the toilet cistern on the first floor of Mount House. It contained an unbound manuscript of maybe one thousand pages entitled "The Origins of Woman" by Charles Darwin.

A glance at the summary in the opening pages reveals that the theory developed by Charles Darwin at the age of 14, is that all women are descended from Mabel Collins who worked in the bedding section of the very first Walmart.

Mabel Collins was born in St Peter Port, Guernsey and was a theosophist and author of over 46 books. In her last ever book, called "Life began in Walmart" written before her death in 1947, she confirms that the allegory of birth in a stable also actually referred to Walmart's bedding section, demonstrating a second coming. Since then, many comings have occurred in Walmart bedding sections throughout the world.

This first, and most historical bedding section, at 719 Walnut Avenue in Rogers, Arkansas, now a pawn shop, has existed since the beginning of time, which occurred when the clock section was opened at half past three.

Darwen holds that his theory is proven true because all woman have owned a handbag identical to that used by Mabel Collins when powdering her nose at the dressing table in the bedding setting.

The copy of Punch in which the manuscript was wrapped included an interview between Collins and Darwen, in which Collins explains that evolution has not been caused by changes in the body, as many men think, but has been caused by the evolvement of the spirit, from which every body is materialised. She said "No self respecting female spirit would be seen dead without a handbag".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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