Written by rfreed
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Wednesday, 25 February 2009

image for Red Chinese To Introduce I-Pods To Lower Population
Red Chinese Goverment Employees Diligently At Work Eliminating Their Fellow Citizens.

Chinese government officials have decided upon a plan to lower its population by the introduction of I-Pods, MP3 players and cell phones with text messaging with prices that the masses can afford.

Reviewing American and European figures for the increase in fatalities from pedestrians, joggers, bicycle riders and even drivers having accidental deaths from not being aware of approaching danger while being blasted in their ears by music players or being visually distracted by text messaging, officials decided this would be a good way to ease their burgeoning citizenry.

"We feel that this is a good way to thin the herd. At two billion we have simply too many people. With the use of the decadent Western music machines, we can hopefully get rid of some of the dumber ones." stated Hoo Fuk Mei, a Beijing social scientist. "In fact, we are even going to allow imports of some loud American devil rock music in hopes that it will be loud enough to drown out approaching semi's."

The music players are only one aspect of of an overall plan to lower the population.

Others include:

  • Allowing discounts on cars with no brakes.
  • Introducing Indianapolis-style racing on certain highways at rush hour.
  • Encouraging Russian roulette as an acceptable high school sport.
  • Encouraging Russian roulette with a machine gun as an acceptable high school sport in high density areas.
  • Legalize dueling, only upgrade it to include the use of bazookas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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