Everywhere, USA/ The Daily Worker - After a three hour brainstorming session in Washington yesterday attended by over 130 "smart people" President Obama declared at least one economic crisis solved!
The President signed an immediate Proclamation authenticating the Rights of ACORN activists to move in and occupy abandoned, foreclosed homes around the country, granting them "Rights of Salvage" after the Mortgage Industry sunk and wound up on US taxpayers shores, making them liable for the "cleanup."
Hundreds of thousands of unemployed ACORN volunteers, most claiming they had not yet been paid for their voting registration efforts, responded to the organized call to take over the abandoned houses in sub divisions across the country.
Employing bolt cutters,torches and C4, bands of "Acorn Reclamation Facilitators", threw doors open in homes valued from $150,000 to $2,500,000 across the country. Some homes even came furnished, and there were reports that some armed skirmishes occurred between volunteers fighting over the best units. The Preliminary death toll announced so far is 375, but Obama told everyone to stay calm, as there were plenty of free homes to go around, although looking at a mansion on Lake Michigan, he agreed that some were "nice enough to die for!"
The new inhabitants, only interested in a roof over their heads, were soon seen loading up appliances, light fixtures and garden tools left behind in the homes, and heading off to Obama's Mama's Pawnorama, the government's only approved Stimulus Inspired pawn shop detailed earlier in The Spoof.
Now that the backlog of foreclosures are off the books of the Banks, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner said the government could go ahead and nationalize the banks, and "start with clean hands." Geithner promised to reissue mortgages to the "new owners", although he expected a 60% default rate on them within 2 years in keeping with established records.
In Chicago, where Obama has yet to pay a $1.7M dollar bill for his election night party, 4487 homes foreclosed on in 2008 were assigned by lottery to loyal ACORN members.
Early reports indicate that people installed in the free homes were happy for about 24 hours, and then demanded that Obama approve the nationalization of local gas stations to make good on his promise of "free gas" for everyone, or at least $.12 a gallon as delivered by Hugo Chavez to HIS voting constituents.