San Francisco, CA/ Vatican City /Breaking News - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, fresh from a visit with the Pope in Rome during an 8 day taxpayer funded junket, remains in seclusion in her SF mansion, suffering, she said, from several ethereal stigmata.
An aide said the holy marks only confirm what Pelosi has said all along, that she is third in line to be God, and really second if you discount VP Joe Biden who is not showing signs of any rash, at least in public.
A visiting local Priest from Pelosi's home district, who commented off the record, since he had not been cleared by the Pope to discuss Heresy, said Pelosi is showing some signs of what could be considered Stigmata; whip marks across her back and buttocks, and some abrasions around her forehead, but also said there could be more plebeian explanations for the marks.
A representative for the Pope in Italy, cautiously agreed, saying Pelosi insisted on wearing an elaborate jewel encrusted Tiara while in audience with the Pope and that it appeared "not big enough to encase her head." The rep also stated he thought the whip marks were self inflicted as local reporters had pictures of Pelosi committing self flagellation while watching Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid take credit for the Stimulus Bill while she was out of town.
Due to Madam Speaker's propensity to take advantage of her private jumbo jet, and conduct her own international diplomatic policy discussions, Rush Limbaugh is now calling her "The Flying Nun."
Robert Gibbs, White House press secretary, queried on Pelosi's strange behavior said, "Well, ah, just because Nancy is out there somewhere, like, ah, like, Joan of Ark, ah, doesn't make her a bad person...ah, considering the district she represents and all!"