Due to a spate of boring publicity regarding Prince Harry, Carol Thatcher, Jonathon Ross and others using racist language, British journalists have declared their reticence to quote celebrities.
The British Legion Of Writers Just Out of Brighton (BLOWJOB), which represents all licensed British writers except Park Gofi, the infamous Pakistani/French anagram, said today that celebrities words will no longer be reported.
It is now considered politically incorrect for celebrities to use every day language that everyone understands, and they have been asked to resort to using politically correct terminology. Terms like "froggy golliwog guy", are no longer acceptable, and must be replaced with terms like "The French gentleman with dark skin and frizzy hair".
Publishers have stated that the costs of newspapers will escalate dramatically, as using politically correct language doubles the word count, and hence doubles the size of the newspaper.
This threatens the rain forests, which will be destroyed at double the previous rate, resulting in the projected extinction of the human race being brought forward from the end of March to next Tuesday.
When asked to comment, Carol Thatcher said "I will not use those words again - but I am extremely worried about the forests, so I will continue to use brief phrases - in future I will refer to the said gentleman as a hairy toad". She added that her consort, Marco Grass, the well known world traveller and pot grower, had also agreed to cease using the term 'politician" due to the unpleasant connotations.
Meanwhile, Prince Harry has been checking out the nether regions of Natalie Imbruglia, a little known area in south Victoria, but discovered that there was no bush, as a result of recent fires. He said "I suppose it avoids having to spit out hairs".
Last Friday night Jonathon Ross said "Bollocks to being politically correct - why should I agree with calling a spade a shovel."