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Saturday, 21 February 2009

image for Mexican Government Collapses, Napolitano Cedes 100 Miles of US Border
Calderon, Napolitano, Obama All Throw in the Towel, Open Border Mayhem Rules in California, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico !

Tijuna, Mexico/ Rolling Stone, International Edition - Buried under a snowfall of an unprecedented storm of incoming cocaine shipments, Mexico's President Felipe De Jesus Calderon finally called it a day and resigned, leaving the country in the hands of the Drug Cartel.

Calderon said the action was taken after continued threats to his family, and after the elimination of every honest law enforcement agent in the country with whom he was allied, made it impossible to continue to govern.

Calderon, like many of his political ilk in the US, announced he was becoming a lobbyist for the Drug Cartel, and would continue his Democratic efforts to have all illegal drugs declared acceptable by the FDA in the US. Calderon said he would continue to lobby for additional paved highways in the desert surrounding the US to facilitate safer driving for Mexican smugglers, but called for stricter regulations against drunk drivers.

Former Arizona Governor, Janet Napolitano, now appointed as Obama's Homeland Security Director, reacted promptly, withdrawing all law enforcement officers along the 800 mile disputed border, to a temporary bridgehead 100 miles to the rear of the heated up action.

She ordered a voluntary evacuation of all civilians along the US border, but refused all cries from displaced Americans asking FEEMA for help, as lawless Mexican drug dealers continued to flow over the border and take control of US territory and vacated foreclosed houses.

Conditions have worsened in Mexico, with over 8800 related murders taking place in the past two years, mostly drug related, and a bounty being placed on any law enforcement officer who tried to interfere. Hits also were made on officers families, in many cases wiping out 3 generations in a hail of gun fire.

Counter Terrorist experts in the US said American law enforcement was not only outnumbered, but outgunned, as many states were either broke, or resisted pleas to properly arm US officers with weapons to off set the Cartel's superior firepower.

In a recent fire fight, border agents armed with 6 shot .38 revolvers were routed when confronted with druggies armed with automatic M-16s, rocket propelled grenades, and .50 calibre sniper rifles.

Rahm Emanuel , Chief of Staff for President Obama, said that was no excuse, and continued his efforts to disarm not only the American Population, but the National Guard, law enforcement everywhere, and was mounting an attack on the US military for late fall despite counter attacks from the NRA.

Emanuel said he expected a televised plea by Obama, scheduled for next week, to calm the situation, and said the President was willing to engage in direct talks with the new leaders of Mexico, "as soon as the political situation stabilized." Emanuel said, "there's nothing this man can't talk his way out of, wait and see...everything will be fine!"

Events leading up to Mexico's collapse included the fact that Mexico now was known as the kidnap capitol of the world, surpassing Columbia, while Phoenix, Az. zoomed up to 2nd place, mainly due to the benign leadership of former Governor Napolitano.

In addition, it was clear,the entire Mexican law enforcement infrastructure was frozen either from fear, or corruption. Only last week a joint narco intercept on the high seas between the US and Mexican navy yielded 7 tons of Cocaine.

By the time the narco ship reached Puerto de Salina Cruz in Oaxaca, even the drug sniffing dogs couldn't find a trace left on board. Mexican officials blamed the disappearance on El Nino, and cited Al Gore and Global Evaporation to back them up.

Rumors are making the rounds that a Mexican cartel meeting is considering offering the country to Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, as it is apparent that he has Obama's number when it comes to negotiating from a position of strength.

Reports emanating today from Las Vegas have eliminated the Dallas Cowboys, San Francisco 49's and Arizona Cardinals from the betting pool for the coming season. Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner said he has already chatted with Chavez's Treasury Secretary, and it appears that the teams will be nationalized in a joint agreement between Banana Comrades Hugo and Barry.

Janet Napolitano is now up for the Nobel Peace Prize, and she's the heavy favorite in early betting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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